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I Don’t Love My Kids In The Same Way
If you want to hear God laugh tell God your plan. Have you ever heard that saying? It’s one that comes back to me time and time again. As a person well into her forties now, I often look back and think about how grateful I am that I wasn’t in charge of everything. But I also wonder about the things that I kind of miss—even though they never happened. As a kid I wanted three kids. Two girls who sandwiched a boy, then after I had my oldest and I realized how cool she was I wanted her to have a sister and maybe two brothers, so they had…
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The Red Candle
***** TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide and child loss. There’s a little red candle at our church. It sits right under the pulpit or altar, at the ready. Waiting until we eventually “need” it again. I can go for a while without thinking about that candle, until… Last night, my daughter came home and told me about a commotion down the road. Fire trucks, police and what she assumed was the coroner. So she called a friend who is an EMT and he informed us that it was a murder-suicide and my mind immediately went to a domestic dispute. Although pretty rare out in the country where I live (the murder suicide,…
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The Power of “And”
“And”– three little letters, used so often we forget how important that word can be. My kids called it a sight word when they were learning to read, one they needed to know on sight, immediately. Three letters that connect two things—items, teams, people, animals, anything, and everything including feelings. Ahhh… feelings. They always complicate things, don’t they? Have you ever known someone (or maybe you are someone) who had a particularly tough experience or are feeling some type of way and they immediately follow it up with “but it’s okay, I’m not complaining. I’m really lucky overall to have the opportunity.” What if, we stop saying “but” (another complicated…
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Diagnosis and Acceptance
When we moved into our “new house” 15 years ago. We had less than zero desire to befriend the new neighbors. When you want to hear God laugh… It turns out that particular plan was side splitting to God! Dan, Michele, Danny and Kristine have become far more like family than neighbors. In a time when I was learning to manage the anxieties of a small child, Michele taught me to let go of the little things and that being present was what really mattered not how much of the house was cleaned how often. On the other hand, Dan and Mark *caused* quite a bit of my anxiety. And…
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Mom Goals
Do you follow Meredith Masony of “That’s Inappropriate” Instagram/YouTube/Facebook fame? She’s also written a couple of books; I just bought the newest one entitled, “Ask Me What’s for Dinner One More Time” because I feel that title in my soul. In. My. Soul. If you haven’t yet, go check her out! She’s funny and real and relatable and even if you don’t agree with something, she’s still awesome. In any event, recently someone tweeted to her that “This the type of woman who gets take out for her family at least three times a week instead of cooking. She is definitely not mom goals.” Meredith responded with grace and the…
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Everything’s a Dumpster Fire…
I’m tired… not the kind of tired that sleep can help. The kind of tired you get when people are kind of awful to each other. The kind of tired that comes when everyone is screaming through a keyboard at each other, teachers and schools have become the enemy and other parents just don’t care as much. Political conversations are too often about degrading each other than about policy and plans. I’m tired, and many of my friends are tired. We’re tired and we are overwhelmed. I don’t know what the answer is, but I know that we have reached the angry stage with the pandemic and the hateful stage…
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Am I easily offended?
Over the last few years, all over social media we have heard people post about “whiny people who are offended by everything,” There are so many opinions about how everyone should be a little tougher. A little more “man up” and a little less “words and actions hurt me.” This is often aimed at younger generations (which I no longer fall into). This narrative bothers me… a lot. Which led me to question “is it me?” Am I easily offended? Was I the one who needed a safe space? So I did some soul-searching; this was a many months long journey, and I came up with a resounding “yes.” It…
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The Hot Mess Express
I’ve been thinking about something recently… I may have given you all the wrong impression of me: the impression that I know what I’m doing at any given time. I don’t. I am a hot mess, mostly the endearing kind, not the kind that needs an intervention—mostly. I’m also an accidental jerk. I would never disrespect anyone on purpose, but I too often use the time of an event as a guideline, relying heavily on the “ish.” For instance, I forget to send the card I bought two weeks ago, or I forgot to look up that information…or to bake those cookies. I’m often the recipient of an email from…
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The Power of Guilt
I was speaking with a friend last week about a fairly significant event in my life. One in which for the first time, I had come across a seemingly, genuinely bad person. Of course I knew that there were people who are awful, murderers, rapists, etc., I know that, but this was the first time in my life that I knew someone who was only kind to serve a later purpose, who would hurt anyone to further an agenda, someone who was the exact opposite of anybody I had ever met. This person was awful to everyone I loved, they were hurtful and spiteful and mean, but much of their wrath was focused on a friend of ours. He got it the worst. I didn’t see how bad it was for him for a while, and it took me far too…
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The Starfish
In a world that desperately needs positivity, kindness and love, how do we do “our part?” What does it look like and how do we get started? These questions kind of haunt me. I work with truly brilliant people, not just intelligence-wise, which is true, but also brilliant in the way they change the community and make their mark in the world. No matter how much I long to make the world a better place, no matter the impact I want to make, that will never be my path. I’m a good helper and I love that in some small way I support their impact. Never has the question, “What…
